Tommy Baits…

Alright. you asked for it, here it is:

So I believe it was the year of 1997 when I wrote this gem of a story about a girl living with her dad who meets this boy named Tommy Baits. I only wrote two chapters, but I tell you, a bit more editing and this one could have been a best seller… enjoy, keeping in mind that this is an exact copy and may include errors:


“We had just moved into the house in the summer of 66, and my dad was bustling through boxes. My dad said that I was going to like it here but, I wasn’t sure. To make matters worse, my room was so small that before we could put anything in, we had to take it a part [I guess I really liked comas].  But, the best thing about my room was the view. From here, you could see the medow with red, blue, and yellow flowers dancing about spreading their merry colors everywhere. The sky was bright baby blue [my favorite color then], and I watched the clouds change their form from rabbit to birds and so on. In the far off distance there was a big tree & it was very old. I ran down stairs because I wanted to go and see the tree and climb on it’s branches. But, before I was half way down the stairs, the door-bell rang and when I opened it, there stood a tall & very thin boy with lighte blonde hair & brown eyes, & on the left side of him stood another boy with lite brown hair with speckes of blonde in it, and green eyes. To his right stood a short girl with a blue baseball cap on, red hair & green eyes. She had slight specks of freakles on her nose and when she smiled, you could see her happy little dimples [this character was inspired by my mom]. The tall thin boy said, ” Hi! my name in Jeremy [after my cousin]!” “…Are you new! [I guess I also liked exclamation points]

“Yeah!” I said, “we just moved in.

“My name is Joel [after my other cousin],” the brown haired boy said.

“And my name is Rebecca… but you can call me Becky!,” the girl said.

“My name is Meliny… but, you can call me Mel,” I said.

“Cool!” they said. “Do you want to come see our clubhouse?” they asked.

“Sure!” I said, excidedly! And we headed off.

*   *   * [yes these are in the original transcript]

When we got there, I noticed that the clubhouse was the tree that I saw from my bed-room. It had lots of stairs & different rooms for different people, & an open hallway that wrapped around in a square shape. Then we decided to have a sleep-over that night. I asked my dad & he said, “yes!” So I packed my things & whent to the club-house. As soon as I got there we started to set up our sleepingbags and make smores and tell gost stories. It was a lot of fun, but eventually I fell asleep, along with the others.

CHAPTER 2 – Tommy Baits

The next day was 95 degrees. So we all went home changed into some coolers clothes, and went down to the public pool in town. Becky and I changed in to our bathing-suits and jump right in. The boys however, looked at the lifeguard, flirted, and swam infront of her [is this sounding a bit like the Sandlot to anyone else?]. But, Becky and I just swam around. We were making tidle waves [I hope this does have anything to do with anything inappropriate] and splashing around, and then I saw him, I didn’t know him, but I really wanted to [again with the comas].

“Hey Becky,” I said, “Who’s that guy over there with the blue trunks, and the white tee-shirt?”

“Oh, that’s Tommy Baits,” she said, “He’s only like, the cutest guy in school!”

She proceded to tell me all the wonderful things about Tommy Baits, and how everyone liked him, and that she wished he would at least say something to her. But, me, I wasn’t listening. I was just too interested in Tommy. He was sooooo cute! [it was quite impossible to get the excitement here, as I had not only drawn a huge exclamation point, but a heart underneath it] He had browish blonde hair, with light blue eyes that squinted when he smiled. His teeth were pearly white and I wished that I had his teeth [and I wonder why Creswell thought I was weird, beats me]. My teeth were getting better after I had gotten my braces on [I’m not sure if I had braces at this point, but it proves to show the character is not the most amazing looking person] Before I could finish daydreaming, Becky shoved me over and into the pool. And pretty soon, we has started a waterfight. The next thing I knew, Tommy Baits was staring right at me. I tried to act as cool as possible, but Becky was no help. Finally I was able to escape and gets out. I laid down in a chair with my face towards the sun and my really cool new sunglasses on. For a minute or so I feel asleep and when I woke up, Tommy was sitting right there with his cool new ES’ on [that’s right ladies, you know it turns you on]. He was soooo adorible [uh, what?]!

“Hey,” he said, “My name is Tommy Baits.”

“Yah! I’ve heard about you,” I said.

“Oh Yah!,” he said laughing. “I’ve heard about you too. You’r that new girl who just moved into the Petterson house.”

“Yep, 81220 Sadlehill Rd,” I said [yeah this wasn’t at all my real address].

“Hey,” he said, “Are you going to be going to Lincoln Jr. High?”

“Yeah!” I said

“Okay then, I’ll see you there!’

*  *  *

Just as he left Becky came up in disbelief at what she saw.

“Did he actually talk 2 U? [here’s where I begin to get lazy and realize that writing a book all in one sitting is pretty stupid]”

“Yeah, and he asked me if I was the girl that he had heard so much about! [again with the hearted exclamation point]” I said.

Then she chimed in saying, “If I was you, I would have died. How did you control yourself?”


The End. [The world may never know]


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6 Responses to “Tommy Baits…”

  1. Jessica Isaac Says:

    “Oh, that’s Tommy Baits,” she said, “He’s only like, the cutest guy in school!”
    haha. i really, liked your, story. i think it was, well written and, i wish i knew tommy baits, he sounds soooooo adorible!!!!

  2. Megan Pickrell Says:

    I agree with Jessica… Can you hook me up with Tommy? He sounds totally dreamy!

    I am actually embarassed to admit how engrossed I was in your story Nat. I really got all giddy when Tommy came and talked to Becky!

  3. Alex Lopez Says:

    What in the world did Natalee do before Alex?! Tommy Baits apparently…

  4. Jonna Says:

    That was the greatest story ever told. I’m going to start calling Alex “The Real Tommy Baits”.

    My favorite quote:
    “Finally I was able to escape and gets out.”… Was Meliny from the ghetto?

    (Pay no attention to the fact that I’m posting this during work hours)

  5. dearmarie Says:

    I’m a little envious of Joel and Jeremy.
    They both made it into the story.
    I guess I’m not your favorite cousin afterall.


  6. Andrea Says:

    Well, Jonna already, mentioned the, quote that, I was, going to, bring attention, to so, instead I, will take, this time, to say, thank you, for providing, me with, a good, read and, a good smile! And no, worries that, it sounds, like sandlot… that was award, winning in my, book! Ya Ya!

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